Surprise, surprise! Audrey, knowledge of your birthday came a much different way than expected. Your mom was working so hard to be patient as she waited and waited for signs of labor to start. Your “guess date” had already passed almost a week before and she headed to a regular doctor’s appointment. Your Dad and I went with her for moral support because being extra-pregnant is not easy for anyone. I was also interested in going because I was curious about some leaking-issues she mentioned a few days prior. No one would have expected that those few, mild, come-and-go, leaking experiences would turn out to be your amniotic fluid exposed! Dr.Cobb delivered the news gently then left the room to let it settle in. His advice was to head to the hospital immediately to start Pitocin and make sure you get here quickly. No one wanted you to be in danger staying inside your Mommy because of the rising risk of infection as time went on. What a cluster of emotional moments in that small doctor’s office room. Your mom had spent more time being prepared and educated about what to expect then the vast majority of American women; however, this news still came as a shock. Thankfully, she had also prepared for unexpected moments in the process; so, she gathered her thoughts and chose to remain calm and faithful. She and your Dad both voiced how proud they were that she didn’t cry then. They were very careful to think before acting, but ultimately they knew they could trust their doctor, so off to the hospital they went. They took my advice to stop and get some food first. Then they arrived at Pomerado Hospital in Poway, California at about 5:00pm on March third 2014. I gave your parents a quick pep talk and then up to the fifth floor we went. They were checked into room 510 pretty quickly. Your mom’s immense preparation and organization started to prove its pay off. She already had her hospital bag, birth plan, pictures to put over the clocks, and hypnobirthing door sign with her! Plus, she had coincidently had a nice shower before leaving her house. It’s not as common to see a lot of action quickly in these special situations so once they settled in the room, I said goodbye. I was believing and hoping to get called back quickly once active labor began. The nurse at the time was Tanya. I gave her my number just in case. She seemed like good and caring hands to leave your mom and dad in. Unfortunately her shift ended just a few hours later L . At about 12am my concerned heart woke me up so I checked my phone. I realized I’d missed a text from your dad. He said that they had stopped Pitocin because the monitors showed a concern for your heart rate. They planned to take a break and go to sleep, so I reluctantly went back to sleep too. However, at 2am I woke myself up again. This time I was covered in sweat, as if I’d taken a bath in it. Emotionally, I was unexplainably full of fear. I decided to take a shower and pray. I asked God what to think about what was happening. A thought passed through my mind that you have your cord around your neck. I began to pray over your safety specifically concerning that and I felt filled with faith. This made me confident the Lord was telling me to pray over your cord. I had already been praying for your birth to go beautifully and safely because I know your mom and dad worked so hard to give you the best. But that experience taught me how to trust even more that God was looking out for you too. It was not easy, but I was able to sleep a little more before the sun started to rise. At 6am I texted your Dad to say I was going to leave to come check on them shortly. I stopped at Starbucks on the way and picked up some much needed caffeine for us. As I waited in line, I got more text messages from your Dad. They were about to stop Pitocin because of your heart rate for the second time and Dr.Cobb was going to check for cervical progress in your mom. It was hard to hear. Since your water was already broken, I knew our options were already so limited in ways to get you to come quickly. If Pitocin was taken away too, a cesarean would be necessary. So this time around, I was going to think of everything I could to make sure it worked both for your mom’s body and for you. As the doula, I’m thinking of physical, mental, and spiritual variables. So the first thing I did was tell Amber we should pray. She said she had been doing so and that she also did a devotional. I was so proud of her! As we walked around the hospital preparing for the next Pitocin round, I also brought up the idea of praying and believing for miracles. I wanted her to be filled with as much faith as possible, and remove fear. When we got to the room, your mom took a shower and came out looking in high spirits. I put clary sage oil on her belly (an oil known to help start labor). I put some lavender oil in a cup of ice water to calm the room and to use on a wash cloth for later if she felt hot. At an earlier time, your mom and dad left me to talk to Dr.Cobb alone, at which point I told him that God told me that the cord was around your neck. (He probably thought I was crazy!) But he said that was an unlikely case based on the way the decelerations looked on the monitor. Knowing Dr.Cobb is very skilled and highly trusted in the community, I assumed he must be right and let those thoughts go. I also learned from your parents that the nurse they had last night was not someone they felt so connected with and they prayed for Tanya to come back….and she did! Not more than 15 minutes later, she was their nurse again! Tanya was such an angel! She was conservative on how fast she turned up Pitocin, only up-ing it at half the typical rate. She always spoke in whispers, respecting the hypnobirthing approach. And she even broke some rules to make your mom more comfortable! What a blessing! As we prepared to start Pitocin again, I considered why didn’t surges start on their own with the water broken for so long? I thought possibly you were not low enough to put pressure on her cervix. That would explain why Dr.Cobb had to reach far to get to your mom’s cervix. So I had your mom do a position called the “Walchers” to get you engaged in her pelvis. This was the first of the very uncomfortable things I asked her to do, but she willingly did it without one complaint! Also, to lower you into her pelvis I tried an acupressure technique on her shoulders. Then I tried one for dialation on her ankles. Deeply pressing on those pressure points are not so comfortable either. Then I let your mom’s body and you do the rest of the work. Before things got very intense, we spent time making lots of jokes. She ate some apples and almond butter, and also we watched your parent’s adorable wedding video. Their love is truly a RARE one! That is surely a lot of what gave your mom the strength she needed. Your mom was so brave as she let the intensity build. She trusted the process and listened to her body! She accepted each new level of discomfort and took it on with acceptance. She was still smiling and making lots of jokes for much of time! But she also was really good at letting us know what she needed to help her be as comfortable as possible. Your Dad didn’t miss a single beat. He was calm and ready to help her over and over again, (even though he only slept two hours the night before!). He spent a lot of time pushing on her hips with all his might. Your grandma was there too, and her peaceful demeanor reminded us all to be at peace. As time went on I found myself 100% confident that Pitocin was working for you and her, and she would be pushing you out that day. You were ready, her body was ready, she was ready mentally, and your dad and I of course couldn’t wait to get the show on the road. Because she complained of lower back pain prior to labor as well as during, I had her do some lunges on each side to see if that would help turn you into the perfect position. Pitocin was only up to 6ml/min. when I noticed she was progressing quickly. I prayed that this was truly progression, not just an overload of pain from the Pitocin (as that is it’s reputation). We had no idea where her cervix was at because we all knew not to check for safety’s sake. So we just had to continue to trust God. Your mom did this whole trusting the unseen thing better than any of us! And just think, she’s the one that had to do that WHILE feeling the discomfort of labor! But she just read her uplifting quotes, had your Dad read an encouraging message written by Joel Olstien, and hummed to worship songs (almost the entire time!). The next level of intensity arose and I witnessed your mom do something that brought me to tears. I suggested she imagine holding you, but she took it up a level. She held a pillow with your clothes lying over it imagining it was you. Holding you, kissing you, smelling you…it all got her through it. She loves you SO MUCH! I’m tearing up again as I write this. What a mother she was in that moment even before you were born! Many other comfort measures were a result of your mom just listening to what her body told her to do. She would spend a lot of time on her knees leaning onto either a chair or the bed. That did help the back pain for most of the time, until she was nearing the end of the process. Then the back pain seemed to become a consistent and ever increasing problem. She wanted a lot of counter pressure on her bottom, outer hips, lower back, and inner hips. And she also constantly wanted heat on those areas too. I couldn’t be sure that your position wasn’t ideal, but I also dreaded the thought of her working this hard only to get to an even more difficult pushing experience with a posterior baby. I offered some positions to try to insure an efficient decent, but at this point asking your mom to move at all was understandably aggravating. She had long passed the talking and joking phase. Your aunt Heather had arrived earlier in this stage and she whispered her love and encouragement to your mom. There was one particular bathroom break I went with her to and noticed she had lost her bloody show. Now I was REALLY excited because that was a good sign she was enduring so much for good reason (progress). Shortly after that, at about 3:30pm on March 4th, your mom started to describe the beginning of “second stage” or the pushing –phase. I went out to tell the nurse and she came in ready to check your mom. Surprisingly, your mom only felt lots of pressure in her bottom but not the urge to push. Because I couldn’t be sure of how dialated she was, I was still considering baby-to-pelvis positional issues. My concerns grew as I noticed her surges started to space out and more time went on. It was more time that my experience would tell me appropriate for a mom to feel the urge to push if she was fully dialated and feeling all that bottom-pressure. Thankfully, your mom asked to get checked and that gave us the answer we needed. Tanya only told me what the vaginal exam revealed. I learned that your mom only had a portion of cervix left on the right side but it was thick. No wonder! I thought, that’s why she’s complaining about her bottom but not pushing! It all made sense now because she had complained of more pain on her left side. So my assumption is that your head was very transverse, meaning you were facing straight to your mom’s right side. All the heaviness of the back of your head on the left side made her left side hurt more and made her cervix unpressured on the right side. I asked if she could push through that last portion of cervix, and Tanya said no, not unless it was on the top area. So I made an executive decision (which us doulas really try not to do because we want all that power to stay within the parents!). But in this special case I decided to tell your mom what was going on and what to do next. I told her my suggestion was to get out of the bed and do some right-sided lunges and get rid of that last bit of cervix. Your dad was a good convincer when he added, “you can do this Amber, you can do a few lunges for your baby girl!” We helped her up and she gave it everything she had! After that she was in the bathroom again complaining of needing to do a #2 but not being able to. I went in the bathroom with her again and watched her push and push and push to try and relieve that feeling of needing to poop so bad. But obviously with the knowledge that her cervix could very well be completely gone now, I wondered if I’d end up catching you there in the toilet! That time felt like it went on forever, just me and your mom sitting there with her pushing. I finally said, “Amber, hunny, you’re not supposed to be pushing so much yet.” She was pooping too however, so it was a very confusing situation. I looked back at the nurse to get her attention. She came in and checked your mom, and she felt your head right there! She asked your mom to get back in the bed quickly. This was at about 5pm. On your mom went; so composed and so serious. She knew this was go time and she was taking it on like a champion. And she was really doing it at this point all on her own! We all got so excited it was so hard to stay quiet, but your mom really needed it quiet because she needed every bit of mental focus to do what she was doing so well. The nurse had your dad look and see you there on your way out. My goodness, was he overjoyed! It took a long time for Dr.Cobb to make it to the room, but that was okay. Pushing was going so well, quickly but not too quickly. I whispered some encouragement to your mom. Tried to help her breathe and push when it was time, and how to breathe and not push when they said not to. At about 5:32pm your head was on its way out and time stood still. Dr.Cobb asked your Dad to hold off catching you so he could…..get this….remove your cord from around your neck TWO TIMES! WOW! But out you came safely anyways at 5:34pm. Your Dad held you as your mom flipped over. Before she could see you, you let out your first cry. Your mom reacted with love, “ohhh!” You were in her arms only a second later. And love filled the room to the ceiling! Oh how we all cried out of pure happiness that you were here and safe. At one point, I saw your dad on the floor next to your mom in her bed. He had is head down and he was weeping. I’m sure he was full of gratitude and so proud. That journey was so miraculous for so many reasons! Your safety was potentially at risk for multiple reasons, but a vaginal birth was still attainable. Your Mom and Dad’s ability to remain faithful even with a quick and drastic change in plans. The fact that God answered prayers and really showed up in protection over you and your mom. The love your parents share for each other empowering them to press on. And especially, your mother’s inner WARRIOR she found as she kicked Pitocin’s butt! A first time mom having an un-medicated birth while on Pitocin for nearly ten hours (the 3rd time) is almost unheard of. OH, I could not be more proud of her! Thank you so much little Audrey for teaching us how to trust. We need love, we need preparation, and we need God’s presence to take on miracles like that. And you, little Audrey will continue to teach your family how much of a miracle you truly are. I am blessed to have met you so soon in your anointed life. Thank you to your whole family for allowing me to be a part. Sincerely, Karen Sousa, your forever doula Philippians 4:4-8 4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
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Karen Brann
Birth Doula, Childbirth Educator, Lactation Educator/Counselor Archives
July 2019
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