This birth journey started, for me, when I met your awesome parents. I remember being so calm at that interview because I could tell that they were good hearted people. The calm turned to excitement as I grew to like them more and more. When I was leaving I was REALLY hoping they’d pick me and then …low and behold… I had to turn around and walk back in to get something I forgot. That’ your mom stopped me and said, “Oh Karen we wanted to talk to you again.” Her and your dad told me they thought we’d be a good match. I was so thrilled! My favorite thing in the world to do is support women birthing, and my favorite women to support are friendly and faithful ones. Your dad was just as heart-warming when he called me late at night, or the morning rather, of September 29th 2013. I said, “Hey Phil what’s up?” He responded, “Oh nothing, just thought I’d say hi at 3 o’clock in the morning.” Oh my gosh, this is great, I thought after that conversation where he described your mom’s surges with excitement. I started to get ready to leave and asked that they check in with me within the next half hour or hour. Sometimes labor comes and goes before it’s really the day. Even though waiting and seeing if it continues is my normal protocol, I felt pretty confident that this really was the day. I could tell from the times I’d met with your mom that she was going to remain patient and not try anything too drastic to get labor to come separate from on its own, which usually does result in some form of that coming and going-type labor. Plus we had talked about the possibilities that labor could go quickly because quick labor apparently runs in the family. Ironically, we know there’s no scientific connection, but there is a psychological one. What we believe about our impending labor and births is significantly defined by what we heard as young girls by family members. And that belief-ability defines what we manifest in our own deliveries. We also chose to define all the pelvic pressure and discomfort in pregnancy that her pelvis was just wide and ready! So I wasn’t going to risk missing it! By the time I got a confirmation text, I was already on my way out. When I got to your house I was really happy with what I saw. Your Dad was making your mom breakfast and she was getting ready to sit down and eat it. There are two “moments of truths” for us doulas where we inevitably predict the progress of the impending labor. We really shouldn’t do this, because there is no putting birth in a box; but we’re human none the less. The first one happens when we see the mom upon our arrival. Although I was so pleased to see your mom doing exactly what they were taught, (to eat up and drink up when labor begins), I predicted this was very early labor, not active, and we’d have more than a few hours before the real stuff started. I assumed so because all the lights were on and your parents were talking casually as if it was just another day. I was pleasantly surprised as I saw your mom tackle a few contractions, or “surges” like her HypnoBirthing class taught her to refer to them as. When they weren’t happening, she was all smiles, and chatty chatty chatty as usual. When they did happen she was still pleasant in her facial expressions, but she had to get off the chair she was sitting in. I suggested she finish up eating and they’d we go to birthy world; turn off the lights, turn on the rainbow music, light some candle etc… I suggested that because normally lots of stimulation keeps moms at that early non-active stage. And so to labor land we went. We started out in your parent’s room, doing different positions on the ball, bed, moseying around etc… We spent some time in your nursery looking around at all your cute stuff, wondering who you were, talking about names. I thought, Oh! It just might be picking up now. Because the surges were a little closer and stronger in there. But I embraced the patience I thought I’d need instead as they slowed down again. (Notice: the impact of being in the baby’s room when mom thinks positively about her child’s arrival). We strolled back towards the living room and your Dad decided to call your awesome doctor, Dr. Capetanakis. Your dad wanted to make sure that he got direction from him not only because he is such a trustworthy and amazing doctor, but also because we were trying to make sure we got to the hospital before four hours until your debut. Your mom was GBS positive, which meant she chose to get an IV with some antibiotics before you were born to be sure that it wouldn’t pass to you. Dr.Cap, as they call him, suggested we wait at home until the surges were at least 2-4 minutes apart consistently for one hour. I couldn’t have agreed more. I was watching your mom and was still convinced we had a long and beautiful road ahead. She wasn’t breathing that hard, she never complained of discomfort, she never even said “ouch” or anything similar. In fact, she still had her usual perfect joy-paint all over her face. One of my favorite moments in all the births I’ve ever been to was the next one. Your mom sat on the toilet with the door open and wiped away a mucus plug that she showed me confidently. With pride she held up toilet paper covered in that “uterine seal.” I am giggling just thinking about that moment. I’m pretty comfortable with those things, being that this is my job. But a first time mom being proud and public about it, oh my, I have so much admiration for her! Your Dad stayed confident the whole time too. We had little moments where I gave him my inside scoop apart from your mom’s ears. I didn’t want her to think we cared about the progress, and we didn’t, but your Dad was just excited to meet you! I could have never predicted how incredibly wrong I would be anyways. I handed your mom the phone so she could call her grandma as she requested. That was at 9:15am. Your great grandmother said she would start the prayer chain. That woman has such a powerful love for your mom, those consistent surges we were looking for started immediately after she spoke those words. Oxytocin is the hormone that causes contractions. It is nick named the “love hormone.” And now I know that there is a supernatural ability to love within your mother. A level of that oxytocin must run exceptionally high. I’d love to say that she must get it from her grandmother, or maybe from The Lord, or something sweet and explainable like that…but what happens next proves to me that there is no explanation for any human being to handle labor the way that she did. It blows my mind to this day. No other birth has or will ever compare to this one because of the way your mother seriously ROCKED this birth. Consistent surges for one hour was what we wanted, and that’s what we got. (Notice: Directly after that phone call). Your mom spent the next hour mostly in the bath or shower, some back in her bedroom. Your dad and I were so prepared to help her with whatever she needed….but she didn’t need a thing! She just went into her zone, with that huge smile STILL on her face. I told her that she was handling this labor like only one other woman I’ve seen, and that was a woman having her fourth child. I told myself, she’s doing great now, but aaaaaany minute now she’s going to need me. I thanked God it started to pick up finally and thought this was just the beginning. As that hour passed she was still so independent and self-sustaining I looked at your dad and said, “she’s making this way too easy on me.” Nearing the end of that hour she said there was some “birth show,” (bloody show). I was really surprised to hear that. That’s usually a nearing the end of labor sign, and I had just finished explaining to your dad that her cervix had probably just started opening and would go maybe a centimeter an hour. Your mom started to say she thought we should maybe go soon and she got out of the shower. The next surge was pretty revealing. She stood by her bed and leaned over and breathed easily though it, but in the middle she sort of stopped and muttered “uh oh.” I asked her if she felt something with that last one and she gently and sweetly replied, “we’re going now.” I was really nervous about that. It had not been very long since the surges picked up! Surely, we’d get sent back home, so I thought. We packed up quick and put her in the back seat. Your dad drove so carefully as she leaned over the back seat. We pulled up to the curb drop off at Scripps Encinitas Hospital. This was the next doula “moment of truth.” I saw your mom slowly get out of the car, standing, holding a bag, and talking calmly to your dad about what to grab. I was parked behind them and I said to myself, CRAP we’re here too early. Well, that was actually the next moment of WRONG. When we got to the hospital it was 10:37am. Your mom was still very internally managing her labor. I was carrying bags, running back and forth getting stuff from the car and handling paperwork for her. And I wasn’t doing that because I wanted to. I was doing that because that’s what she wanted! How on earth she could still think so consciously at this time is beyond me, completely beyond me. Her water released at about 10:50am and I had just returned from a trip to the car. She said she thought it was time so I went to the nurses’ station. She didn’t even officially have a nurse for her room yet. They hadn’t even checked her yet. I said to the nurse with an apologetic look on my face, “I’m sorry to bother you, she thinks she’s further then I think she is. Could someone please come check her?” The nurse nodded empathetically. A borrowed nurse came to check your mom. I remember she was still standing near the bed with patience and calmness, just as much as she’d had when I got to the house originally. The nurse said “oh ya, she’s complete, ready to have a baby?” Dr.Cap was called. The official nurse was there. I was still picking my jaw up off the floor. Dr.Cap came in and did the funniest thing I will ever see a doctor do. He stood behind the curtain in front of the door to the room and said in a high pitched woman’s voice with an accent, “house keeping.” And he did this knowing your mom was ready to push. Your mom responded angelically as usual, “oh, Dr.Cap!” I wondered if I was dreaming. This is NOT supposed to be what a first birth looks like, right?! I’m giggling to myself again writing this because the truth is this IS how all birth should be. I really believe that if given the right education, support, options, sincere care, and complete lack of fear this is how it can be. I’d just never seen someone up until then really access all that at once. Your Dad stood by your mom the whole time. His face was FULL of excitement but he was also calm enough to be able to help me set up the camera in the middle of a very fast-moving birth. Dr.Cap suggested your mom get on the bed instead so he could best support her. Your Dad stood on the left side of the bed and I made sure the camera was on for surges and pushes. Your mom leaned over the bed with the back leaned up like a chair shape. I remember thinking, she’s still talking! How is she still talking?!?! She even asked how the doctor’s wife was doing. SERIOUSLY?! I thought, who asks how someone else is doing while pushing unmedicated?! After that point, her words were funny though. She would sort of repeat what Dr.Cap said with a soft,slow, and slightly drunken sounding voice. He said, “you’re gunna feel some stretching and pressure but just push right through it. Stretching is good, pressure is gooooood.” And your mom repeated, “just pussssssh through it, it’s gooooood.” And she would respond to him with, “ok, ok, ok, ok.” This is the point where moms either can’t speak, or speak in a very loud and desperate voice. Not your mom! She just got even sweeter. She also said, “I’m just a little nervous about this part.” (Goodness, I’m still giggling.) But that was good because she slowed down her pushing and that probably protected her bottom well. Your mom decided to put her legs up in a more squatting position. And then she listened to her body and just put her right leg up. Dr.Cap quickly motioned for your dad to run to the other side of the bed so he could see your debut. Wow, to see your dad’s face in that moment; so excited, so full of love for you and your mom! I stood on the other side and tried to encourage your mom through the “breathing down” (HypnoBirthing term to ease into pushing instead of tensing up). And that was it! You were born at 11:50am on September 29th 2013. This birth taught me so much! Your amazingly full of love mother taught me that my vision for a very peaceful birth is truly possible, even with a first baby. It was the first birth that I’d leave and come home with plenty of time still in the same day. I learned that I didn’t have to show all doula-skills because for a birth to be that beautiful, the strength is in the mother. A mother who is at peace, and supported by a partner who loves her so much. You, Leo, are the son of a woman who loves like no other and the son of a man who loves her right back. I know that they will teach you to have peace in your life by working hard, getting good education, following Jesus, and also simply….to love! “Before you were in the womb, I knew you…” Jeremiah 1:5 With love, Karen Sousa, your doula
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Karen Brann
Birth Doula, Childbirth Educator, Lactation Educator/Counselor Archives
July 2019
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