The day you arrived though the eyes of the doula: It was mother’s day, May 11th, 2014 and I was pleasantly interrupted by a much anticipated phone call from your mom at about 6:43pm. I listened excitedly as she explained she’d been having mild and very far apart contractions, she guessed about every half hour they would come. I got myself ready because I was preparing for the good chance she would wait too long to have me call. I could tell she was going to be one of my exceptionally strong ones because of the story of how she gave birth to your brother. The way she waiting until he was ready to be born, in her circumstance, is very different from most women. She was patient and relaxed, but also brave and aware of what she deserved. My experience has taught me, this is the formula for a strong birthing woman. Your daddy was also someone I was excited to work with because of his inner strength! He taught me something I’ll never forget and I will use to help many more families; people who are responsible sometimes mistake their responsible-role for one of authority. He used this wisdom to stay confident about all the birthing decisions for you and your brother too. So, needless to say, when I got that call I was more than ready to come help with your special delivery. There was one thing I was nervous about as a result of knowing how strong your mom is. She and your dad had made multiple jokes about having the baby in the bathtub on “accident” at home. So knowing how strong she is, I was worried she would be unaware of how progressed she was and stay home too long. She really heightened my concerns when she emailed me the list of her supposedly mild and far apart contractions…they were only about 6 minutes apart! Shortly after that, your dad called me to tell me her water just broke! AGGGGGHH, I thought, and jumped in my car. I arrived at your house at 10:20pm. I was relieved at what I saw. Your mom looked relaxed enough that I knew we had time to stay home. I watched her take on a “wave” and saw how she went deep within herself and breathed slow to maintain a totally tranquil state. WOW I thought, beautiful. I was also happy to see she had taken my advice and been drinking lots of water. After some time there on the birthing ball, she jumped in the shower to clean off all of your amniotic fluid coming out. She then laid down with your brother Cole and ironically breathed slow through contractions to also help him relax and finally fall asleep. The next part was really fun. I got to meet your aunt Tabitha who came out to help cook some llapinganchos. Your dad, mom, aunt, and I all sat around, some of us also on balls. This was very special to your mom because she got to somewhat repeat the way her mom gave birth to her. There is a picture of people just hanging out and being really calm about the arrival of her when her mother was in labor. The intensity started to build here. We all breathed with her to help her remember to keep her breath slow. I put a heating pack on her back. When the contractions stopped, we laughed about how different it was in and out of them. As it got more uncomfortable, she decided she would feel more at peace in her bedroom, so we all followed her into there. We were playing a peaceful soundtrack over and over that she seemed to really like. She must have felt very safe there because her body started to make those contractions even stronger. Her senses were getting very sensitive, she had your dad change shirts twice because of the smell on them! It was pretty funny. She wasn’t interested in taking the drive and having to go through that transition to the hospital at any later stage, so she started to voice a desire to leave. It hadn’t been a very long time in labor yet, so I reminded her that her original plan to get there at a late stage might not be the case; however I was REALLY hoping I was wrong. There were some signs that I really could be wrong; she was throwing up and said she started feeling shaky. She started doing her most comforting position which was to hang from your dad’s neck and squat. Also, I had that original concern of waiting too long knowing how strong she was. So…off we went! I called the hospital on our way out at 12:36am. I was able to find parking quickly and walk in with your parents as they arrived at the hospital too. Thank Goodness your mom took my advice to keep the eye mask on, anyone that looked at her could tell she needed her space. Your dad was really brave to insist the security allow me up to the triage floor even though they normally don’t. However, once we got up there, the nurses had me wait outside the door until she was checked. I was hoping it would be fast and we’d be in and out of there anyways. I learned that her cervix was 4cm dilated, 80% effaced, and you were at a -1 station. Your mom had a little bit of bleeding there that I couldn’t be sure was okay, the nurse checked and also seemed on the fence about it. We finally made our way out of there a while later and up to the Labor and Delivery floor. When the elevator got to the 3rd floor, we had to hold the door open so she could have a contraction there. This moment was incredibly special to me personally, because your mom didn’t know it then, but she made a doctor wait for her in order for him to use the elevator. This particular doctor was the one that I worked with at my very first birth and he was the reason that first birth was an unsuccessful VBAC. That was so redemptive for me! He had to stand there and wait as he watched your strong momma chose to endure the intense and uncomfortable feeling of her contraction. I was thinking, YES you see? We birthing women are strong, we chose it, and you can’t stop us! I have to thank your mom for being the one to demonstrate that strength for me and for the mom who was kept from accomplishing her desires. THANK YOU SO MUCH TANGY! We walked into the Labor and Delivery room #316 and met our nurse, Marly. She was very kind and helpful, but she was having to be the bearer of bad news by informing your mom she would have to be on constant monitoring, not only because of her previous c-section but also because we couldn’t be sure if this bleeding would be a problem. I tried to get more information from the nurse asking her, if this was a uterine rupture (the biggest possible concern) what else would we see to be sure? Wouldn’t we see the baby’s heart rate look poor? (which is wasn’t, your heart rate looked perfect the whole time) Wouldn’t she have more pain and more bleeding then this? But the answers we got were so vague. Even though the eye mask was still on and really helping to keep your mom from all this commotion, she started to get very concerned, understandably. She spoke with the on-call doctor on the phone, but she was also very vague and told your parents they could chose to either keep laboring or have a repeat c-section. Everyone was very frustrated with this. Your mom’s fear of you and your brother missing one of their parents, as she did growing up, was manifesting. I reminded her that she hasn’t even seen a doctor to assess her situation, and to remember what a real emergency looks like. Finally she decided to get into the shower, totally against what the nurse said she was allowed to do. With the helpful support of your vocally confident dad again! There she was able to re-center herself and go back to her usual brave state. WOW, I was so proud of her! The next stage of labor was a long one! Your mom took it on like a real warrior! She had that deep inner strength that I knew she would. Her senses became extremely sensitive and she wouldn’t allow very much talking around her. Every little smell would bother her. And she also stopped wanting anyone to touch her. I was so proud of her, but I had to practice sitting on my hands so to speak. I really wanted to help her more. Your dad did too as he reminded her, “I really want to hug you right now, just so you know.” She even switched robes 3 times! She said, “get me the gray one, no the other gray one, NO THE OTHER GRAY ONE.” That was pretty funny too. I couldn’t ever come close to being offended by her snappy words because her ability to know what she needed and ask for it takes an immense amount of strength. Most laboring women don’t do that, they just throw in the towel and ask for an epidural. Not your mom! In fact, she never seemed to go through that highest level of pain called “transition.” Rather, she just kept doing what she knew worked for her. I learned later from her that she had a very elaborate vision she would focus on through each contraction, of which I’m sure she’ll describe to you one day. She is truly made to birth! She has the best instincts and she really listens to them! I could only compare her strength to one other women I’ve seen giving birth for the 4th time, but in a way, this was her first time! Your dad was such a trooper too. He continued to be there for her just how she needed, no judgment, and no throwing in the towel for him either. No matter how sore his neck and legs must have been! At 6:45am I noticed her body start to bare down a little bit in the middle of contractions. We talked about how getting checked might be a good idea to know whether she should or shouldn’t start pushing. And thank God we got a new nurse who happened to be the best at that hospital. Her name was Tommy Lynn. We learned she was 8cm, 100% effaced, and you were at a 0 station. I’m glad we knew because she had to hold off from pushing for three more hours until she was checked again and learned she was 10cm. We tried different types of positions for pushing. But after two hours something strange seemed to be happening. We eventually learned that her cervix was swollen. She must have been so exhausted! She didn’t show it at all, but I felt so bad for how hard she had to work. Finally her doctor, Dr. Timothy Riley came in and pushed that cervix up over your head. NOW pushing was finally more effective and we really started to see you make your way out. At 12:57pm on May 12th (the exact day your mom predicted) you were born! You went right to your mother’s arms. There were a few surprises that needed addressing, your mom needed to be repaired quickly and so your dad stayed with you. You also needed some help breathing so your dad followed you the NICU. We learned that you weighed 9lbs 1oz and were 20 in long. Your mom was excited to hold you but she was very grateful for her skilled doctor taking care of her and the nurses taking care of you. Thank goodness again for your dad’s ability to stand up for what’s right. He demanded to be with you even when they said no. In the recovery room, we got some info from your dad that you were stable. After everything she had been through, her love for you was what got her through all of that. What an amazingly loving and strong momma you have Kai! You are SO BLESSED to be a part of a family who puts their priorities in what is loving and what is best for you and your brother! I am forever grateful to witness parenting at its greatest. Thank you so much to your whole family for allowing me to be a part. You are a miracle Kai! Your mom was able to snuggle you and nurse you in the NICU. You were always surrounded by love. Lots of love your way continued! Your forever birth doula,
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Karen Brann
Birth Doula, Childbirth Educator, Lactation Educator/Counselor Archives
July 2019
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